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Re: Good People
I agree that this story has the potential to be expanded. What I'd like to clarify is whether this post is a story meant to stand alone, or if it ...
Dec 9, 2009 -
Re: Beta - Chapter 1
To answer your questions... Alex is intriguing. At least for a first chapter, the aura of mystery works--her cool demeanor, 'indestructibility'. I think though, that if she remains too cool ...
Nov 28, 2008 -
Re: Heart of Darkness Essay
Hello order! This is my first critique of an essay, aside from my own essays for school, so bear with me! :wink: Writing essays is about communicating. So you have ...
Aug 7, 2007 -
Re: Finding Atlantis (Prologue)
Hi Jabber! (like your name, by the way! :wink:) A few years ago in my English class, when we were studying 'hooks', one of the ways was to start with ...
Aug 7, 2007 -
Re: Christmas
Happy/Merry Christmas! (And welcome to YWS!...a little late) I love a good Santa Clause poem. It distinctly reminded me of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. I especially liked the burglar ...
Dec 24, 2006 -
Re: Grudge (Not The Movie)
Hello Rosethorn! When situations such as this arose, which they often did, he had learned the invaluable charm of patience. The best idea was to keep his mouth shut. Hold ...
Dec 24, 2006 -
Re: The Chair of Wind & Darkness: Draft Two [1-4]: Closed
It's like reading a incomplete novel. :wink: Your characters are believable, the dialogue's great, you have lovely imagery; it's engaging storytelling. And I am hooked! I've been in suspense waiting ...
Nov 14, 2006 -
Re: Houdini the Guinea Pig Escape Artist
Hey Searria! Heh heh...I remember this. Who knew Sasha was so evil...I always thought she liked the guinea pigs.You know I like this story--it's cute. :D Especially the way you ...
Nov 4, 2006 -
Re: The Racing Bowler Hat - short story
You know, I read this a while back, and I have been thinking about it fondly--but I just realized I never left a critique for you! I love the title--it ...
Sep 18, 2006 -
Re: The Black Wolf
Right. Kardas, I said I would look for this, so here I am. :D There were some words and images in the beginning that I loved. His hand settled on ...
Aug 13, 2006 -
Re: Princess of the Blood.
I read this before and didn't get a chance to comment. The interaction between Qatar and Al-Fayed made me chuckle both times, and I liked how you already introduced conflict ...
Jul 30, 2006 -
Re: Prologue of Life's Story
Harsh critiques, eh? Since you requested it, I'll do m'best. First, the little typos and such: Half way I'd put a hyphen in between, or make it one word. In ...
Apr 19, 2006 -
Re: Why Ch. 13
Wow, I see you've done a lot of work on this chapter. A lot of rewriting. I like this! :D Let me tell you first that you're a very good ...
Apr 17, 2006 -
Re: I Am You...
I am you… your mind. Wow! Superb last line, bandhu! How true, too. :D I'm not very experienced with poetry either; I've never really tried it, but I've heard you ...
Apr 14, 2006 -
Re: For the love of a sister~ Not the final tittle
Did you make double spaces to make it look longer? Maybe that's just my trick! :lol: The format just looks unusual. It almost looks like you tried to make it ...
Mar 20, 2006
